The most tragic day

The lowest abyss I have gone had to go along with growing up living amongst the two wisest people in my life to date, my parents. My rational mind had yet to be fully developed and fighting against the simple logic of my mother psychologically shaped my youth mind. The ripe age of 17 causes many problems for men and women in their own separate ways. I was flooded with testosterone and other hormones clotting a clear decision making skill set. I would get lost in my thoughts for hours. I had suffered from depression in middle school being fat and having acne. As well as the harassment of my southern "y'all" accent, as having recently moved from Houston to New Hampshire. Thank god these hormones were not as raging as they were by this time in my life. Anyway, my story continues with a fight over something that honestly, does not mean a bit of difference today, a typical mother/son fight. My thoughts raced as to why I was constrained, why could I not be free and run wild. The irony of the fact is I was not free or able to run wild because honestly my mind had not yet accommodated these new wild drugs running through my body, made by my body. I had set out, determined to feel free. Ran out the door without my parents knowing and wearing a t-shirt and pajamas, being it was past my bedtime. Behold it was late November, the first snow had just started to fall upon my aching, inflamed face. The temperature dropped but these new found chemicals allowed me to produce rage and fire within that no snow could stop suddenly. I trekked on thinking, wondering, do lone wolves often feel these pains as cubs? The night carried on, as did i. it felt as if minutes had passed and I was wearing down. Falling off my high strength energy and slipping into a dark deep state of mind I do not wish to find again. A field I had never seen before looked peaceful on the full moon night (New Hampshire being full of nothing but woods). I went and laid in the field, looking up into the snowfall, wondering if this was the final spot. Emptiness, when it takes over, makes the mind loose consciousness of purpose and meaning to life. Soon enough I drift to sleep.

Suddenly I am awoken by a man passing by on the road wondering what I was in the field. My sudden realization and having slept off my horrid feelings taught me a lot of who i was and who i will always be. I was taken home and the police came and investigated and I explained. I had been gone four hours in 30 degree weather and was found six miles from home. I certainly had taken the path less traveled on this one.

I am a person who knows fear, loss, power and above all, passion. Passion it the true beauty behind each and every person. It is horrid that I had to come this close to death to realize what passion I possessed and the right way to use it. Humans are organisms, and like all organisms, do not evolve and develop without a positive passion for themselves.

Some of the most important quotes in my life today:

"You are strong, you are passionate, you stay positive and you will never lose in life" - MOM

"You can not appreciate great success without great loss" - unknown

I live my life now mostly by carpe diem. I look at everyday, every loss, every win, as being an important part of being human. This class has been a huge inspiration to me and even though my logic mind can be stubborn, I find it so pleasant to walk into class everyday and learn my problems, and my successes, are merely the same exact feelings man had since the beginning of known writings. Life truly is a retelling of past lives with a spin on it.

Let your passion and fire guide you, even if it can take you places you never wanted to find... You will become a stronger person and a happier one in the end.